WWE CYBER SUNDAY (26/10/08)

Cyber Sunday wasn’t anything really outstanding, but it was entertaining enough, and the fajitas we made for it were AWESOME. I did enjoy all of the matches in their own way, even if I didn’t always agree with some of the choices the ‘WWE Universe’ voted for (no Kozlov?!) but democracy is a flawed concept at the best of times, never mind when the people you are giving a voice to are rubes, nerds and children. ;)

Rey Mysterio vs. Kane (No Holds Barred)
This was a fun opener, if nothing particularly memorable. People can diss Rey all they want (and I watch practically every WWE event with my friends Jasp who hates the shit out of him) but this feud has got Kane to actually start putting in some effort again. I especially liked one bit near the start where Mysterio got whipped ribs-first under the bottom turnbuckle into the post, and Kane followed him in with a baseball slide dropkick, then just stretched him round the post. Rey, for his part, actually showed some aggression with some nasty chair shots, and generally played a good underdog role like he usually does. Also the bit where Mysterio went for the 619, ran into a choke instead, and then reversed the chokeslam into a hurricanrana was awesome. Rey won after the 619 and his stupid dolphin splash, so I’m guessing this feud is either over or close to it now. Time to update the Ongoing Kane Tally!

Matt Hardy vs. Evan Bourne
This was pretty great, not a classic like I briefly imagined it might be, but very good. It was exciting throughout, with Bourne continuing to impress me more and more. Hopefully him getting a chance to be on PPV will allow him to get more over, because let’s face it, nobody watches ECW on Sci-Fi. All of Bourne’s kicks and knees looked awesome, with one in particular looking like it knocked Matt silly. Matt getting to play the bigger man for once was quite fun too, and set up a cool crucifix powerbomb into hurricanrana reversal from Bourne. The crowd seemed to get more into the match as it went on, and the ending was cool: Bourne misses his stunning shooting star press, Matt goes for the Twist of Fate, only for Evan to reverse it into a VERY close near-fall, then Hardy actually hits the Twist of Fate for the win. Nice.

Cryme Tyme vs. John Morrison & The Miz
This was the match I was hoping for, although I would have been almost as happy with CM Punk/Kofi Kingston vs. Priceless (wouldn’t have minded Jamie Noble/Mickie James vs. William Regal/Layla either but there was no way that was winning). Anyhow, this was good, nothing spectacular but a good tag team match. I can’t remember many specific bits I liked, except Cryme Tyme’s usual shtick, Miz being a total prick, and Morrison being John Morrison. Oh, actually I just remembered JTG managed to counter Miz and Morrison’s trademark ‘slingshot into a forearm’ double team, that was cool. The end came when Shad had Morrison set up for something, but The Miz snuck in and kneecapped him, allowing JoMo to hit the Moonlight Drive.

Santino Marella vs. The Honky Tonk Man
This was just as you’d expect: Santino’s hilarious mic work, and then a two-minute comedy match. Santino really was great before the match though, picking on the Honky Donkey Man and making reference to SHAZAM O’NEAL who happened to be sat at ringside. The Honky and Santino had a dance off, Saninto jumped him, got overwhelmed, Honky went through the motions, and Beth Phoenix interfered to cause the disqualification. I’m not making it sound very entertaining but it really was. Afterwards, Santino yells at Beth, and she starts sulking, then Roddy Piper and big fat Goldust come out and beat him up some more.

Big Show vs. The Undertaker (Last Man Standing)
This was really good. I’m undecided if it’s better than their No Mercy match, but either way, definitely worth a watch. It was pretty slow in parts, but that actually worked for it, adding to the drama, getting over the punishment they were taking, and making everything seem more deliberate. This match was mostly all Big Show just battering The Undertaker from pillar to post and back again. Taker did get chance for revenge, but it was almost all Show and his devastating punches. Taker also took a big chokeslam off the crowd barrier through the announce table, which was neat. The use of the count for the Last Man Standing stipulation was done well here too. Eventually, it looks as if Undertaker can’t answer the count, so Show looks to finish him off with the killer knockout shot to the back of the skull he did at No Mercy, but this time, Taker grabs his arm and pulls him into THAT DEVASTATING FORBIDDEN CHOKE SUBMISSION!! I guess it was only banned against Edge, or Last Man Standing matches are an exception, or Vickie Guerrero will have something to say (prediction: Excuse Me!) on Smackdown about it, but regardless, Show was choked the fuck out and Undertaker wins the match. Awesome.

Mickie James then won the Divas Halloween Costume Contest. She was Lara Croft, and she looked hot as usual, but there wasn’t enough boobage for my liking: Kelly Kelly or MARYSE had better costumes. Ah well, I guess I shouldn’t be complaining that Mickie has a connection with the crowd that’s more than ‘tits’ though. Oh and Victoria dressed up as a fucking dancing bannana. WACCA WACCA WACCA.

Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy
As good as the last match was, I think this may have been better. At the time, I wasn’t as impressed with it as I probably should have been, because I wanted the fans to vote for HHH vs. Jeff vs. VLADMIR KOZLOV in a triple threat match, but I forgot that the fans are buffoons and don’t realise that if they pick a triple threat match they still get to see Jeff. I gave it another watch just then though, and it’s really cool. They worked a similar story to their No Mercy match, with speed/heart vs. power/experience, as well as Jeff Hardy getting better and better and getting SO CLOSE to winning the big one and finally winning the title, but he just can’t do it…yet. In this case, it’s his own tendency to take risks that costs him, which is pretty cool. One of my favourite parts of the match is, after the usual ‘going for their big moves early, psyching each other out’ stuff, Jeff gets the advantage and goes for his swinging corner dropkick, but HHH reverses it into a massive spinebuster. That was fucking sweet. Oh and at one point, Tazz says “don’t let him build any momentum, Trips!” because Tazz is outstanding. Then he puts Jeff in the Crossface for quite a while, until Hardy manages to counter it into a cradle, then hits Poetry in Motion style attack using the steps at ringside. This sets up a portion of the match with Jeff hitting everything, but it’s just not enough: two Whispers In the Wind, the corner dropkick, Twist of Fate, even the Swanton Bomb! However, instead of going for the pin, Jeff goes to the top and goes for a second one, because, well, he’s an idiot. This time he lands right across HHH’s knees, which probably hurt a good bit. Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Jeff reverses into a roll-up near-fall, then a big dive to the floor, but when he goes for another Swanton, HHH catches him, hooks his arms and drags him off the turnbuckle into the Pedigree for the pinfall. Very entertaining match, especially the second time around. You can bitch about HHH taking everything Jeff had and kicking out and it only taking one Pedigree for him to win if you like, but a) HHH is a swine, it’s nothing new and b) it works in the context of the match and the storyline, and also c) whatever. So yeah, probably the best match of the show, although I expected Kozlov to do a run-in at the least.  The young girls in the front row getting more and more agitated at H beating up Jeff were adorable though.

Chris Jericho vs. Batista (Special Referee: Stone Cold Steve Austin)

I don’t remember a lot from this match, I think I was falling asleep. Not that that’s an indication of it being a terrible match or anything, I’m just getting old and weary. The match itself was just okay, nothing brilliant, but nothing bad, but everything surrounding it was pretty exciting and fun. By which I mean all the shenanigans at the end, with special guest referee Stone Cold getting taken out, leading up to all sorts of shenanigans involving JBL (helping Jericho out because, I dunno, he hates Batista I guess) and the other two choices for the referee spot: Shawn Michaels (who ran out, did a hilarious slow count and then beat the shit out of nemesis Jericho), and Randy Orton (who ran out, jumped Austin, and then did the world’s greatest sell of the Stone Cold Stunner). Eventually, after all sorts of wackiness, Jericho shoves Austin, who goes for the Stunner, but Jericho escapes it, and turns round straight into Batista’s spinebuster. One Batista Bomb later and we have a new World Champion! I was genuinely surprised at the outcome too. I quite like Batista, but it just seems a weird time to do it, as it’s not like the match was hyped up huge or it was meant of a big feud or anything. On the other hand, this way Jericho’s character gets to become even more bitter and paranoid (and to be fair, the odds actually WERE stacked against him this time), Stone Cold’s yearly appearance is always great, and Batista is probably the biggest star on Raw anyway, and if it means we get Batista/Cena II for the World title, then, as the kids say, it’s all good.

Random stuff: A Ladder War! Cactus Jack in ECW! KANE! VS. ALBERT!

It’s Cyber Sunday this week, and I intend to watch it at Jasp’s house along with our usual tradition of beers and Mexican food. I’m sure it will be entertaining. I noticed that the last thing I wrote about was the previous WWE PPV, so for a bit of variety, a quick update on a couple of matches I’ve seen lately, to squeeze in the middle :)

Briscoe Brothers vs. Kevin Steen & El Generico (Ladder War)
(ROH Man Up, 15/09/07)
I had this sitting on my computer for ages before I actually got round to watching it and I have no idea why because it is fucking AWESOME. It’s like the opposite kind of Ladder match to the equally awesome Shawn/Jericho one I talked about last time, as although there is a strong rivalry and violence in the match, there’s also loads of just mental stunts. I liked this match so much that I had originally planned on doing a big entry on it until I got lazy and decided to do this ‘quick update’ instead, so I’m not going to list every great/sick thing in this match. I will mention that one of the coolest ladder spots I have EVER seen is the springboard Doomsday Device on El Generico with crazy Mark Briscoe diving THROUGH the set-up ladder for the clothesline. It’s incredible. Other honourable mentions are a Package Piledriver through a ladder, a Jay Driller through a ladder and well…I’m stopping there because otherwise I will go on forever. Excellent ladder match.

Cactus Jack & Raven vs. Terry Funk & Tommy Dreamer
(ECW November To Remember, 18/11/95)
I got out my beloved Mick Foley: Greatest Hits & Misses DVD again (I was meant to do a full review, if I do I guess I’ll be copying & pasting this..) because I was bored and I remembered this match being pretty wild, and it still holds up in that regard. As the definition of a crazy ECW weapons-fest, this is pretty hard to beat, especially when you consider that this happened in 1995 before the rest of us had been exposed to such insanity. There’s very little in the way of wrestling, but it’s part of the hate-fuelled Raven/Dreamer saga, the crowd are rabid, and a few weeks earlier Cactus set Terry Funk on fucking fire, so what do you expect. For what it is, which is pure ECW craziness, it’s pretty great. Dreamer pulling Mick’s homemade Eric Bischoff t-shirt over his head and pumelling it with a chair is hilarious too.

Cactus Jack vs. Mikey Whipwreck
(ECW Big Ass Extreme Bash, 06/03/96)
This is from the same DVD, and I don’t really like it as much. It was Cactus Jack’s final ECW match, so the crowd is pretty awesome for it, and it does have some fun parts, but I dunno…Mikey Whipwreck is a twerp. It’s not bad though, it’s your usual ECW Cactus Jack match with some different stuff thrown in, including the debut of the Mandible Claw (to no reaction, because ECW fans were clueless rubes) and using a Leonard Cohen LP as a foreign object. I do like the ‘never-say-die’ attitude of both men, makes the match seem more important. I also like Cactus repeatedly murdering Whipwreck with a chair, piledrivers and the Double Arm DDT, because like I said, he’s a dork. To be fair, this is still pretty fun.

Kane vs. Albert
(WWF Smackdown, 14/06/01)
Man, the Ongoing Kane Tally! could really have done with this instead of the Gauntlet debacle on Raw this week. Albert comes out to the awesome X-Factor Uncle Kracker theme and this match is already brilliant. It’s really legit good though, and this was before either of these guys were known for having good matches. The match is basically five or six minutes of just straight up balls-to-the-wall action between two big powerhouses, which makes a really entertaining TV-style match. The best bits are Albert easily gorilla press slamming Kane (causing Tazz to just go “..Albert’s a freak” which is lol), Albert reversing the chokeslam into a DDT, and Kane reversing the Baldo Bomb with a mid-air dropkick type thing! Seriously, that happened.

Kane vs. Albert (No Disqualification)
(WWF Smackdown, 28/06/01)
That was so good I watched the rematch straight after. It’s not as the good as the first match, but still fun. Haha this time, Tazz says “Albert’s a moose, a monster, an ANIMAL!”. This match also features the mythical hurraKANErana which none of my idiot friends ever believes actually happened. It gets a massive reaction too. The No DQ stipulation doesn’t much come into play until Diamond Dallas Page runs in and hits Kane with the Diamond Cutter (which he sells like a Stunner because, you know, Kane), allowing Albert to hit a huge Baldo Bomb for the win and the Intercontinental title! Man I love A-Train.

No Mercy

Holy shit, No Mercy was the best PPV since WrestleMania. I watched ROH’S latest PPV offering (New Horizons) on Friday instead of doing anything more fun or socially acceptable,  with the intention of later reviewing it for this, and it was good (especially the awesome Bryan Danielson/Tyler Black match) but I enjoyed literally everything about No Mercy, so that can wait.

Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry
This was a really fun opener and the crowd were electric. I think it’s a good thing that most people think Mark Henry is a terrible wrestler, because then it makes entire crowds, including the smarks who think they’re way too sophisticated for that sort of thing, boo the hell out of him and cheer on his opponent. I actually thought Henry was fine here with his selling and his powerhouse routine, as the big monster who Matt had to take down by chopping away at his legs and outsmarting him. I liked the ending too, with Henry overpowering Hardy, but then his knee gave way under his weight, enabling Matt to hit the Twist of Fate out of nowhere.

Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle
This was the least good match on the show, and I normally like the Glamazon, so I’m blaming Candice forgetting how to wrestle (or eat food) in the time she was injured. It still wasn’t that bad though, and it was kept short enough. Candice does try, bless her, but she seems like she can’t really jump or do much of anything without really concentrating. Anyway, after some distractions and shenanigans from Santino, Beth wins after the Glam Slam. I assumed she was losing, so this was a nice surprise.

Kane vs. Rey Mysterio
OK, I am now up to four Kane matches in a row that I have enjoyed. I don’t know what this says about me. This was probably the best Rey match in a while too, as he mixed his usual stuff up a bit, played his usual David vs. Goliath role well, and wasn’t afraid to just kick Kane in the face occassionally.  Seen as they only announced the stipulation that if Rey lost he would have to unmask six days before this, I kind of knew he would be winning, but how the match ended was pretty awesome: after hitting a 619 variation, Rey dived from the top turnbuckle to the floor, only for Kane to KILL him with a chair shot in mid-air for the disqualification. Seriously, that ruled.

Before the next match, MVP came out to complain about not getting on the card. Randy Orton (who continues to get mixed reactions now) came out to argue with him, and then Priceless (Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase and Manu) come out to bully both of them. I actually like that now just being a heel doesn’t automatically make you friends with the other heels. MVP brags about being the highest paid athlete on Smackdown, and Ted makes a funny joke about how he’s never had to worry about money as his dad is the Million Dollar Man. Then, CM Punk and Kofi Kingston come out, trick MVP into attacking Priceless on his own, have a good laugh at his expense (which is the first time Kofi Kingston has ever been remotely jerky) and then clean house. I enjoyed all these antics.

Batista vs. JBL
This was a lot shorter than I expected it to be, but it served it’s purpose and made Batista look really strong on the way into his upcoming World title match. The Batista Bomb on somebody JBL’s size was pretty cool too. After the match, JBL cuts a hilarious and awesome heel promo about current events and thanks the fans and the government for enabling him to keep living his brilliant life. JBL is fantastic. Then Cryme Tyme, the divas and Sgt. Slaughter (no, really) high jack his limo and drive away.

The Undertaker vs. Big Show
Undertaker is great and I do like Big Show most of the time, but this was still way better than I expected it to be. Undertaker not being the biggest man in the match for once let him use speed and it was pretty cool, as was Show leaving his feet for a massive tackle, and attempting (and missing, which is fair enough) the Vader Bomb. I also dug Show catching Taker in the middle of Old School and turning it into the chokeslam, and then Taker reversing another chokeslam into an awesome DDT. The ending sequence was really good too: Show removes the turnbuckle pad, slams Undertaker’s head into it, and then just KOs him with two massive right hands, and then another one right in the back of the head, which causes the referee to stop the match. People didn’t seem to like this finish, but I did: I don’t care if you are a mythical zombie, if a seven foot giant with boxing experience punches you square in the back of the head, you are getting knocked out.

Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy
Another strong match. On most shows, this would pretty easily be the best match, but the Ladder match outdid it a bit. The crowd were really going mental in this one for the possiblity of a Jeff Hardy WWE title win, but alas, it was not to be. This was also the best HHH match in a while. I could easily go into detail on all the little things I liked in this match (HHH sort of going back to his heelish roots, Jeff as the underdog, the slow pace building up to an awesome finishing run that had the crowd on the edge of their seats, more) but I can’t be bothered at the moment. Suffice to say, it was a really good match and felt like a big deal, especially with Jeff again being just one second away from victory. The ending really was good, after escaping the Pedigree, Jeff hit the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb, and the crowd was by this point absolutely nuts that this really could be IT for Jeff winning the title, only for HHH to reverse Hardy’s pin attempt into a cradle. Really good finish, as HHH got to keep the title without it hurting Jeff, who really had the match won. If and when Jeff Hardy finally does win the WWE championship, it is going to be insane.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels (Ladder Match)
This was really fucking good. I’ll have to watch it again to be sure but it might actually be my favourite match all year. The Jericho/Shawn feud had a couple of weeks of being ‘random World title feud’ after months of being really tremendous and different, so this was a brilliant return to form (and probably, conclusion?). It was more a Ladder match built around two men just using the ladder to destroy each other, rather than the spots and stunts of a lot of them; don’t get me wrong, I love those kinds of matches but this was really great for different reasons. I liked how they paced this, and didn’t immediatly go for the ladder shots, but instead had Shawn do things like reverse a whip into the ladder by jumping up and climbing it for a dive. There was a ton of stuff to like in this one, not least the slingshotting ladder into the face spot which caused Jericho to lose/break a tooth and bleed from the mouth a fair bit. It probably hurt like shit, but that’s the wrasslin bizness. I also really liked Jericho kicking the ladder from his back, sending it flying into Shawn’s face, and then placing his head inside it and slamming it shut. Ouch. Speaking of which, Michaels didn’t look like he landed too well on the ropes after being pushed off the ladder later. The sequence later on where Jericho trapped Shawn under the ladder, mocked him and then climbed it, only for Shawn to use his legs to tip it up and send Jericho flying all the way to the floor was both awesome and pretty scary, as that could have gone wrong in plenty of ways. The ending was brilliant too, from Jericho getting his leg caught in the ladder, to Lance Cade’s interference and getting superkicked, to the finish with both men fighting atop the ladder, grabbing a side of the belt each and having a tug of war which ended with Jericho headbutting Michaels in the face, causing him to fall and Jericho to retain the title. Awesome. I’ll have to watch this match again to decide if it really is my favourite match of the year (one of the Undertaker/Edge bouts could probably challenge it) but it’s really seriously good. Mostly for Jericho’s performance and willing to kill myself for our entertainment, but overall it was just a really good match, and No Mercy was a really good event overall. :)