So I haven’t been posting on here as much as I could be, in fact I seem to be unable to write much of anything in general lately. I don’t know why, it’s not like I have anything else to do. I wanted to have more of a variety of matches and promotions I wrote about, but it was WWE Survivor Series this past weekend so I thought I may as well write a bit about that. People on the Internet have been complaining about the show a bit, but I don’t really know why. I mean I suppose there was only one really good match (and not even that if you are a big fat stinking troglodyte who STILL can’t work out that John Cena is actually very good at being a professional wrestler), but some of the others were fun, and from a storyline perspective, it was an enjoyable show. The Jeff Hardy storyline has been discussed a lot and I’m kind of in the middle about it: it gave us an awesome moment that should kick off a great storyline/feud, and certainly got people talking, but I’m not sure how good a swerve is when it’s effectively taking the very thing the audience wanted (seeing Jeff Hardy perform and hopefully win the title) and taking it away. I mean, if I had bought the show to see Jeff (or…at all) I might not have been cool with it, but whatever, here’s hoping the end justifies the means. I guess net nerds are just never happy unless they are moaning about something. I don’t think the show was a classic by any means, but it was FUN, and that’s what counts to me. Perhaps people would enjoy wrestling more if they did something about their goddamned negativity. I don’t know, I’m no expert; I’m just a guy who genuinely enjoys watching this shit.

Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio, The Great Khali & Cryme Tyme vs. JBL, Kane, MVP, John Morrison & The Miz (Survivor Series Elimination Match)
See this is exactly what I was talking about when I said the word ‘fun’. I was consistently entertained by this match from start to finish. In fact, even though the main event was a ‘better’ match, I probably enjoyed this one a bit more. There was so much to like, from MVP finally getting a pinfall again, to any and all Khali/Rey interaction, to JBL acting like a real captain in rallying his troops, to John Morrison continually doing Shawn’s shtick and just generally being awesome. My favourite part of the match though was probably just after MVP had eliminated JTG, Khali steps over the top rope and MVP’s team freak out telling him to turn around. He does, straight into the Khali Chop, gets pinned and eliminated and the crowd just erupts into a HUGE ‘Khali, Khali’ chant. It was great, people have clearly been dying to get behind lovable giant Great Khali! Rey doing his stupid splash off Khali’s shoulders to eliminate Kane was cool too. Oh yeah, and Shawn doing his flying forearm>kip-up spot (which Morrison had thieved earlier) and then crotch-chopping in JoMo’s face was hilarious. Speaking of which, Morrison being the last surviving member of his team, even outlasting JBL, was fantastic. Basically, this match was just pure entertainment and a great opener. The sole survivors were Michaels, Rey and Khali by the way, which led to more wacky hi-jinks as they celebrated and Khali lifted Rey in the air with one arm. Aww.

Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Candice Michelle, Kelly Kelly & Jillian Hall vs. Michelle McCool, Maria, Victoria, Natalya Neidhart & Maryse (Survivor Series Elimination Match)
I usually try and defend the divas. Many wrestling fans are hateful misogynists, I try to balance this out the best I can. Even if a match isn’t very good, I still can’t agree with losers bitching about five throwaway minutes of hot chicks in the middle of dozens of sweaty men in their pants. But this match really wasn’t very good at all. Mickie James and Beth Phoenix were both pretty good, and Kelly Kelly showed her usual effort and enthusiasm, bless her, but overall, it was all pretty sloppy and bad. Thankfully, Maryse is fucking AWESOME, and nearly saved the match for me. Not quite, but almost, that’s how cool she was in this match. She’s got a way to go yet, but here she showed she’s getting all the ‘little things’ down, and she’s getting really good at being a conceited bitchy heel without even saying anything. Pushing (her own captain) Michelle McCool off the apron to the floor and then strutting off looking so proud of herself was incredible, as was constantly attacking the Raw team (especially Beth) on the apron and then tagging out at the first sign of danger. Oh yeah, and she did a sweet hook kick straight to Beth’s head, before finally losing to the Glam Slam. I would be genuinely interested in a Phoenix-Maryse title match. I’ve had a special place in my heart for Mickie James for the longest time, but it might be time MARYSE moved in there…but yeah, that aside, this match sucked.

The Undertaker vs. Big Show (Casket Match)
This wasn’t a very good match either which is both a shame and a surprise, seen as their last two matches (No Mercy and Cyber Sunday) were both thoroughly enjoyable. I can’t remember the last Undertaker match before this that wasn’t good, he’s had surprisingly decent ones with Festus, Khali, everybody. And I know some people don’t think Big Show is any good because he doesn’t do flips or kill his family or whatever, but he had a shockingly good match with a 4ft boxer so he’s alright by me. I don’t really know what went wrong here, it wasn’t a complete disaster of a match or anything, but it just seemed to drag on and on. Undertaker did legdrop Show through the announce table, which was pretty cool, and they did more stuff based around Show’s big right hands, but this was just pretty boring. It didn’t help that after they brawled to the top of the ramp, they teased a bump off the stage, only to instead have Taker just whip Show into a second, vertical, casket, which was a really anticlimactic ending. It reminded me of how you would win a casket match on Smackdown vs. Raw or something.

Batista, Matt Hardy, CM Punk, Kofi Kingston & R-Truth vs. Randy Orton, Mark Henry, William Regal, Shelton Benjamin & Cody Rhodes (Survivor Series Elimination Match)
Thankfully, this was another fun elimination match. I was a bit pissed off that Regal got eliminated by Punk in the first ten seconds, but then I found out that Regal had the flu or something, so it’s understandable. It also sets up a (hopefully awesome) feud, and allowed Layla to angrily throw her shoe at Punk and BLAST him right in the eye, which was hilarious. This was a pretty good match, I like most people in it to varying degrees, and guess what, Mark Henry was perfectly effective as a big tough powerhouse who could eliminate Matt Hardy but just wasn’t up to the challenge of Batista. Cody Rhodes actually getting to eliminate CM Punk was quite interesting too, so was Kofi taking a brutal looking rope-assisted DDT from Orton to get eliminated. The main story about this match though was Randy Orton, specifically just how fucking over he is now. The finish of this match was one of my highlights of the entire PPV: Batista is on a roll, and sets up Cody for the Batista Bomb, only for Orton to sneakily tag Rhodes in mid-air. Big Dave hits the Bomb, while Randy slithers in behind him and just goes crazy and writhes and undulates and beats the shit out of the mat with the world’s best ‘TURN AROUND MOTHERFUCKER’ RKO taunt, before capitalising on Batista’s confusion to hit it, and get the win, with the crowd actually chanting along and giving him a great reaction. Awesome. As long as he continues to be pretty much the biggest prick on the planet and doesn’t suddenly become a nice guy, I’m completely fine with Randy Orton as some sort of reluctant anti-hero.

Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov (vs. Edge!)
I’m going to assume that the only people who are going to read this are me and my ego, so I’m not going to full explain the whole Jeff Hardy situation. Basically, it was meant to be a triple threat match, but Jeff was ‘attacked’ and was deemed unable to compete, so they went with HHH vs. Kozlov. One of the problems with this was that the live crowd really, really, really wanted to see Jeff, so as a result HATED this match. Another problem was that not only is Kozlov far from a proven main eventer, but so far his style has mostly been showcased in short squash matches. He’s not used to (or ready, possibly) for long title matches, and HHH is far from the guy he should be wrestling in that situation. I like H, but he’s never been known for having good matches with people who aren’t as good as him. A further problem was that they worked a slow, ground-based, old-fashioned wrestling match, in front of a modern WWE crowd that hasn’t been conditioned to appreciate something like that at all, and what’s more, were desperate to see Jeff Hardy, who is pretty much the opposite of that style. This resulted in lots and lots of boos and ‘we want Jeff’ chants and really loud ‘boooring’ chants. And to be fair, in parts it really WAS pretty boring. But on the other hand, I don’t think it was as bad as the crowd or the net made out. It was very slow, but that was the point, and I thought HHH’s selling and that was pretty good and that Kozlov came across as a real threat to him.

But, you know what, none of this really matters, because it set up one of the most awesome surprises in a while and the real reason I was very glad I’d managed to avoid reading spoilers for this. After Kozlov misses the battering ram headbutt into the corner, Triple H follows up with the Pedigree, but is too hurt to go for pin straight away. This allows Vickie Guerrero to come out and excitedly inform the fans that the match is going to be a triple threat match after all, and let out a hilarious “HE’S HERE! HE’S HERE! HERE HE IS!!” as the crowd cheers and goes wild and OH MY FUCKING GOD IT’S CRAZY EDGE BACK FROM HELL WITH A BIG MENTAL BEARD YESSSSSSSS!!!~ At this point, objectivity goes out of the window because I love Edge and this is fucking incredible. He stalks to the ring working the crazy eyes and Spears the shit out of HHH, only for Jeff Hardy himself to come running down to an immense cheer (seriously, it was like Beatlemania) and beat the fuck out of Edge, then go insane hitting Kozlov and HHH (after Edge ducked) with chair shots!! He goes for Edge again, but gets Speared, and Edge then picks up the pieces and pins HHH to snake his way to another WWE championship!!~ GET THE FUCK IN. Seriously, I meant it when I said I can no longer be objective about this, I loved every second of this. I am fucking psyched to have Edge back.

Chris Jericho vs. John Cena
This was really good, primarily because it was John Cena’s Hollywood-style comeback match, but let’s not forget how incredible of a career revitalisation Chris Jericho has had this year. I’m not going to go into the Great Cena Debate again, there’s really no need, but he told a really good story in this one. Again. You fucking rubes. I did really like this match, but I’m kind of tired from getting SO EXCITED about the Edge return so I’m not going to go into masses of detail. The main thing I liked was the story it told; Jericho, being the evil, bitter son of a bitch he is, going out of his way to re-injure Cena’s neck, and Cena selling fear, trepidation and hesitation because it was his first match back. Easily the best example of this was Cena starting to go to the top rope for his diving Fame Asser move, but hesitating and being unable to do it, because last time he tried that he ended up breaking his neck. Then, throughout the match, Cena gains more confidence and has to take more risks to overcome Jericho’s assault, and successfully hits the move later. Things like THAT are what make Cena so good, jerks. I really don’t want to overlook Jericho though, he had a really good showing in this match, he’s really had a great year overall. Anyway, I said I wasn’t going to describe every move so I won’t; eventually a battered and exhausted Cena rolls through to escape Jericho’s inside cradle attempt, lifts him from the ground to his shoulders and hits a big FU to win the World title in his comeback match in front of his hometown crowd! YAAAAAAAAAY. I feel like I should probably watch this match again one day and write a better review cos I did like it a lot, but whatever I’m cream crackered.